would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
