i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
