I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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