So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
