He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
