I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
