I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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