just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize