Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
