I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
