Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
