Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
