Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
