Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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