I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
