There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
