I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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