I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
