he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
