worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
