Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
