1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
These tits shall not be calmed
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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