she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
smell my finger.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
