Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
