Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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