What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
