My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
