Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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