from now on my penis is your penis
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
