oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
