I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
