it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
