i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
