We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
