I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
