i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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