that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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