it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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