So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
