a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
