i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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