everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
