is your mom at the bar?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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