the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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