I love black thongs
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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