is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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