i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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