no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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