I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
