I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
