I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
