I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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