weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
