I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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