I just saw a hot homeless man
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
