i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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