Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize