So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
PANTIES FOUND
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
