i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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