He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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