there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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