Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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