Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
