Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
