Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
