I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
