wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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