You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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