a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
